OK, so I'm kidding. But tell me truthfully, do you really love Thanksgiving turkey all that much? I must confess, I'm not a big fan. I do like the side dishes -- the butternut squash soup, and the mashed potatoes with enough butter and whole milk in them to be a meal all by themselves. I also am seriously addicted to mashed turnips. No joke. Sweet potatoes? LOVE them. And don't even get me started on my husband's stuffing. I think my son would trade his right arm for that stuffing, with a little gravy.
But the turkey? Not so much.
My problem with Thanksgiving is that it is a whole lot of work for something that none of the people in my family really likes all that much. You see, I'm the only one who really enjoys all those side dishes. True, my kids devour the mashed potatoes. But nobody asks for turkey on their birthdays, when they get to choose their favorite meal. Mostly they ask for ravioli, or baked ziti, or maybe roast beef. I've had occasional requests for grilled chicken, and even for chicken tacos. But never turkey.
Back in the eighties, the humorist, Calvin Trillin, wrote a column in which he considered starting a movement to make Spaghetti Carbonara the official Thanksgiving meal. Now I know that a lot of you are probably gasping in dismay at the very thought. But wait. Consider. A pasta dish and a salad. Maybe even an appetizer if you're feeling ambitious. Three pots, at most. And a couple of hours later, you don't feel as though you ate two times your body weight. True, there may be no leftovers to snack on the next day, but I consider that a small price to pay for freedom from the tyranny of the bird.
Of course, I talk a good game, but we will be having turkey this Thanksgiving, like everybody else. But hey, I can dream, right?